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MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMAN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

SECTION I - IDENTIFICATION

ELEMENT:   Woman
SYMBOL:WO2
DISCOVER:Adam
ATOMIC MASS:Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 100 to 550 lbs.
OCCURRENCE:Copious quantities in all urban areas

SECTION II - PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
  2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
  3. Melts if given special treatment
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used
  5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
  6. Yields to pressure applied to correct point

SECTION III - CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

  1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and precious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously without warning, and for no known reason
  4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol
  5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

SECTION IV - COMMON USES

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

SECTION V - TESTS

  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

SECTION VI - -HAZARDS

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time

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